Seema's Story

If I had known my husband was HIV-positive when we married, and if I had known about HIV at that time, I could have done more to keep him alive and healthy.

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I am the mother of a beautiful baby girl. My problems started soon after I gave birth to her. I started getting constant headaches, which would hurt a lot. When I visited the doctor, he told me that I had sinus problems and suggested that I have surgery. A blood test was needed before the operation, and this test revealed that I was HIV-positive. The moment the doctor learned this, he refused to perform the operation.

Once I found out about my positive status, I told my husband to have a blood test. But despite my repeated requests, he refused. After some time, he developed a disease where boils appear on his body. Later, he was diagnosed with TB, but still refused to have his blood tested. My in-laws accused me of giving my husband AIDS, but later, when he tested his blood, it was found that he too was HIV-positive. My husband has now passed away. Actually, he was HIV-positive even before we got married but I didn’t know that. If I had known my husband was HIV-positive when we married and if I had known about HIV at that time, I could have done more to keep him alive and healthy.

So far, I have not taken anti-retrovirals, nor have I had any treatment. Everyday I make sure that I eat healthy food like sprouted grains, vegetables, fruits, and lime juice. I also use local ingredients like kashaya (herbal tea), pudina (mint), tulsi (basil), amrutha balli, sambarballi (Indian borage), ondelaga, garike hullu, and neem leaves. I drink plenty of water as well.

A map with the sun, a child and a house by the sea

On my body map, I have drawn a ladder depicting my desire to rise higher in life and work with positive people. The sun is a reflection of the strength I derive from my aataman (soul). The sun in my heart is shining out to others. I have shown my child in my heart, as a happy little girl. The food that keeps me healthy is also important so it is in my chest. I have drawn the virus in my stomach because it is growing bigger and fatter and that’s where the virus must be! I have a few corns on my hands that I have drawn as well. I have traced out the marks and scars on my body, on my hands and behind my ears. On my left leg I have shown the dream house I wish for – a little house by the sea. On my right leg is what I think the virus looks like. I have written my thoughts and feelings about being HIV-positive, how I got HIV from my husband, about the support I get from my father, and about how I want to shine for other HIV-positive people.

Behind the outline of my body is the orange shadow, which is my father who is always watching over me, always with me. He adores me. I was very happy when I was young. I used to play with my friends. I lived very happily with my father, mother, brother and sister. Initially, after finding out I was HIV-positive, I hated my life.

I was happy to share my story with other HIV-positive people during the workshop.  Everyone’s body is different so they can never be drawn the same. What is common to us all is the virus. Through the workshop I felt so happy to talk to other positive women. I understood how our problems are different, and how we are the same. I learnt a lot from them about how to cope. All this made me confident to talk about myself and share my story with others. I also got an opportunity to encourage others to be strong and positive. I want everyone to see my body map and feel encouraged and positive and strong through it.